Your Ideas Stink, Stop Trying

Society Camp is a lonely place, and not lonely in the sense that there aren’t lots of people around, because there are, but more so, because all those people are awful and spending time with them makes you a worse person. So for the most part, as the Camp Director, I have a lot of time time to kill in-between administering reform punishments, and that mostly involves Netflix, alcohol, and a healthy amount of introspection. All that to say, I’ve been watching a shit-tonne of Shark Tank, where mostly fake millionaires, and Mark Cuban, make investments in ideas/entrepreneurs that probably never come to fruition once they’ve combed through the numbers and realize that all people trying to raise money are filthy liars. Continue Reading→

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Gatorade – Not a water substitute

Many people throughout the world fight a daily struggle to obtain clean drinking water. It’s literally the most important liquid on earth, the life force for anything that requires oxygen to live (cue getting an email from some nerd letting me know about a dry land crab that only requires the sun to live). Where I live, we are fortunate enough to have fucking taps that spit out the most delicious drinking water you could imagine. Especially now, as winter approaches, the pipes are cold and that water comes out like chilled spring water direct form a glacier. So you can imagine my horror at the resurgence of Gatorade as many people’s go-to hydration tool when not actually doing any physical activity. Don’t even get me started on their “Is it in you?” slogan. It just makes them sound like some dude with a micro penis and low self-esteem. Continue Reading→

Annoying Sippers – Grandiose ahhhhs for no reason

It’s disgusting enough to have to watch people shovel food into their filthy mouths with the gumption of Joey Chestnut, without having to be further annoyed by the manner in which they decide to consume their beverage.

Drinking, along with breathing and I don’t know, eye opening, is the first thing we learn to do as humans. It’s the one means we have of survival when we are stupid babies whose biggest accomplishments revolve around producing solidly formed poos (it usually just looks like broccoli soup, but be warned, it doesn’t taste like it). So you’d think that when it comes to putting a liquid down your throat, you should have the whole operation down to a fine science come adulthood. Continue Reading→